Booty Bag Piratey Shwag Giveaway

Alright mates and scurvy bilge rats, we’re offerin’ ye a farthin’ o’ Mystery Ranch Loot!

To we o’ the Seven Seas, it be all about the booty. Whether ye be collectin’ booty from a boarded ship, or haulin’ a few belayin’ pins to the crow’s nest to keep on the lookout for e’er more booty, ye needs a good sack. To that end, The BOOTY BAG be a fine, seaworthy scabbard o’ good portent. It’s been known t’ ferry prized possessions t’rough the most violent o’ squalls, while keepin’ pilferin’ fingers off yer loot.

If ye wants t’ call this treasure yer own, ye can navigate the digital seas from here, ’round Cape Shopping Cart, and into the Check-Out Lagoon. OR, ye can try yer scurvy luck at this here’s contest.

Five sunsets from this day, we’s openin’ the Mystery Ranch Chest o’ Treasures t’ one lucky urchin.


RUN YER ROT BELOW, in yer best Pirate parlance, with what kind o’ booty ye’d haul in the BOOTY BAG. We’ll scribe yer name on a crab and set it loose in the factory. First crab t’ pinch the staff wins. Or perhaps we’ll just use t’ do the winner pickin’…

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  1. John W
    Posted August 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm | Permalink

    Yo Ho Ho! Ye Booty Bag be handy in the crow’s nest, Aye.

  2. Janell
    Posted August 4, 2011 at 6:05 pm | Permalink

    Argggh, matey! I’ll be needing that ole’ booty bag in order to be hauling my hiking goods to and fro the seven seas and o’re the mounts and prairies. It will help keep things ship shape, because around me crow’s nest, we keel-haul mess budgets!!

  3. Luke Johnson
    Posted August 4, 2011 at 6:42 pm | Permalink

    ARRRR! Ye be bettin’ ye scar-let sash or ye golden dub-bloon me be wantin’ ta lay me grubby mits ta sum booty! LOL. I’m a little rusty on my pirates speak, but please count me in!

  4. Thomas
    Posted August 4, 2011 at 6:44 pm | Permalink

    Argh, I be needin’ the booty of a bag to be haulin’ me fine spirits on me journey to distant lands. Avast ye scallywags, I sail for rum and wenches and doublouns. Better stay out me way, or you be walkin’ the plank.

  5. Rudy
    Posted August 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm | Permalink

    I have a few:
    Ahoy, essential piece t’ anyone’s Mystery Ranch qui’er Gar, Where can I find a bottle o’rum?

    Ahoy, how close does the booty bag set abo’e the booty A pence for an old man o’de sea?

    Aye, how much booty could a booty bag carry if a booty bag carries booty Aye, me parrot concurs.

  6. Zach
    Posted August 4, 2011 at 8:42 pm | Permalink

    ‘Tis bagger be a good carryin’ piece to keep me bloody wife off me bloody back. No more bottomless baskets to carry for me!!!! Arrrggghhh!!!!!

  7. Chad Bell
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 4:50 am | Permalink

    A’hoy Matey!! Ye bet’r b’lieve Me wants to get my filthy mitts on two handfuls of Ye Booty. T’rough me name in y’er random game and help me to gets me lady a bum sac to scurry her haul of meds to her nursing station to help take care of ye pregnant ladies!! If ye crab don’t pinch someone to make ye surname Bell thy winner….I shall send the Kracken for ye ranchers ….Davey Jones has been needing some new mates in his locker! GRRRRR!!

  8. Wyo Rock Man
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 8:14 am | Permalink

    I be fillin’ yar bag wit the rocks n picks n golden nuggets. A flask o’ juice and a book fer a pillow.

  9. Chris J.
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 8:46 am | Permalink

    I be plundering the local markets for grub, cackle fruits, hardtack, junk, and of course some run, bumboo, and grog.

  10. Hayward
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm | Permalink

    Avast t’you scurvy laden scalawags. This here booty bag be too fine a’schawg for an ol’Captain to have. Cast ye pickings to the bilge rats below, who sweat and toil when the seas a’boil. Those sergeants who man the guns and await ye orders to fill the sands or seas with blood, yo ho. The booty bag best be served by the men who pillage and plunder. One for all the Joe’s says me. For should the limey Captains horde all the spoils, beware a’mutiny in the midst. I’d cut ya down a peg or two and spill no brew. Whilst fill’n mine thar booty bag with your schillings and jewels. Acquiesce to this here request before the crews asunder or be left in the wake of me cutlass, savvy

  11. Wayne Fanno
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 4:16 pm | Permalink

    If I be fur telling ya what I be pack’n, I’d have to run ya clean through with me cutlass.

  12. Chris Cunningham
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    Attention on deck; all hands now hear this…weigh anchor, cast off all lines, and set the mains, take in the sheets, and make a tidy deck. We’re setting course the Ranch of Mystery; and not retuning until we’ve wiped the pirates from the sea. We will nothing breathing or floating on the sea; and bottom will be littered with the shark eaten worm laden remains of these filthy pirates.

  13. Josh Muller
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 4:28 pm | Permalink

    Yar, I would carry me limes from Trader Joes so’s to avoid the scruvy.

  14. Todd Dupree
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm | Permalink

    Aaaaarrrrgggg MR Mateys. Me wench takes all my booty, but if I had one of your Booty Bags, maybe I could hide some from her!!!

  15. Ricky
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 4:54 pm | Permalink

    Ooooo, me be willin’ to shuck ‘n spit shine th’ decks free of ole barnacles ‘o many ships fer ’tis one. I be needin’ ’tis bag ‘o lovely booty, ’cause ere’ expectin” a small lass in 8 weeks. Tiny lass gunna need to be havin’ a durable bag fer th’ harsh and scurvy’ winter conditions ‘o Alaska. Time again, gents and beauties have loss sight’a many a jewel and fine treasures of ol’ hoardin and never seem to set ye ole eye on sight… and yer question why? Pure loss. I ‘see to it that this gem be of great worth to one! Soo… I recken’ we be strikin’ some sort o fine deal to get me hands on ’tis one, ay???!

  16. Greg Stucky
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 5:38 pm | Permalink

    Thar be a might great trove o scally for a bucklin in that thar booty.

  17. Geoff G
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 5:40 pm | Permalink

    I want that!……(lady looking at little ship from Napoleon Dynamite)

  18. Tony Walling
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 5:58 pm | Permalink

    Arrr, me would like this booty bag t’ carry my drunken treasures. A pence for an old man o’de sea?

  19. Grant Severson
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 6:27 pm | Permalink

    Aaarrrr land lubbers, I loves a good booty as much as any pirate, but I needs me a good bag like yours to haul me wenches and kids extra sea gear when we hit land. Then there be more room for me rum too.

  20. Eric m
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 9:08 pm | Permalink

    Yar’ Blackfoot growler will stow neatly aboard ye booty!

  21. MW
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 11:14 pm | Permalink

    To hell with pirates, Somali or otherwise, I’d have been a Privateer and not at the taxpayers expense or bound by the Geneva Convention (that no one but US and a few allies abide by). I’d like to see how many TalibanAl Qeada, CHILD torturing, strangling, bride taking, coward terrorist’s heads, cocks and balls I can fit in this sack. I’d use that to chum the waters and feed the rest of the fly drawing corpses to the sharks and other garbage eating fish. Film that and distribute it via Al Jazeera, your bag would be prominantly displayed. “Fair winds and traveling seas.”

  22. Ira
    Posted August 6, 2011 at 7:45 am | Permalink

    I’ll keep err full of Doubloons

  23. Dave Beaver
    Posted August 6, 2011 at 8:16 am | Permalink

    Arrr, carry stuff for new child on the way Gar, Where can I find a bottle o’rum?

  24. Zachoo
    Posted August 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm | Permalink

    Yo Ho, Ya bloody wankers! I’ll grab ya by yer yarbles and spin ya off, ya bleemin tossers! YARRR!

  25. Ben
    Posted August 6, 2011 at 7:42 pm | Permalink

    Ahoy Captain Gleason. I’d trade a barrel of rum and sugar 3000lbs for a bag as handy as this booty.

  26. SSG John Sprecher
    Posted August 7, 2011 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

    We be usin’ it for the mass o’ Arrrrmy applicants’ booty. Arrrmy wristbands, treasure chest key lanyards, caribiners and keychains. Yar

  27. james kelly johnson
    Posted August 8, 2011 at 1:43 am | Permalink

    Mystery Ranch Treasure Map says.
    Trek High.
    trek Low
    trek Far & Wide
    Mountains lakes stream rivers.
    blue white green and gold . secret locations will be untold
    Work, Gym, & School, you’ll be no fool to not use this sweet tool,
    Pillage and Plunder as you Dare.
    know the best will handle your loot with Care .
    out of sight out of mind you will find me using this cold piece…
    if she where mine ?
    Please grant this small wish of mine ,
    & Surrender the Booty Bag and make her all mine :-)

  28. James Wheeler
    Posted August 8, 2011 at 7:18 am | Permalink

    I’ll be filling mine with rocks and making me wretched women walk the plank

  29. J. Anderson
    Posted August 8, 2011 at 8:32 am | Permalink

    Ahoy thar matey! ‘Tis a fine thin’ t’ have a booty bag! Ye never knows what ye might be lootin’. . .

  30. Reader
    Posted August 8, 2011 at 3:20 pm | Permalink

    Aye be using it for groceries while biking to the store.

  31. Brad
    Posted August 8, 2011 at 9:08 pm | Permalink

    I be hauling some coco nuts from me food coop.

  32. Kelsey Jencso
    Posted August 10, 2011 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    Avast ye maties. Shiver me timbers what a nice bag! Hang the jib if I dont win. Ye booty bag I hope to plunder to carry me gear here and asunder.

  33. Ben Sundy
    Posted August 12, 2011 at 5:56 am | Permalink

    Yo ho ho and a booty bag full of beer! I be hauling a pirates favorite grog (PB Arrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!) from the package shoppe.

    Posted August 18, 2011 at 2:51 pm | Permalink

    I needs a place to stow the cat’o nine tails to keep the home crew “balanced”. She also be known as a “go bag”, for those times a mutiny comes.

  35. DC
    Posted April 3, 2014 at 9:44 am | Permalink

    Aye be using me booty bag to stash me magnums and million dollar checks to show the female visitors that visit me Chicago futures trading pits!

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